September 1, 2017 It’s Unethical to Bring Children into a World That Doesn’t Have Kingdom Hearts III Yet It’s Unethical to Bring Children into a World That Doesn’t Have Kingdom Hearts III Yet Do you have kids? If you answered yes, then you are a monster. How could you bring children into such a cruel, callous world that…
August 31, 2017 Age of Empire Villager Drafts 10-Page Memo to King Arguing Men Better Miners Age of Empire Villager Drafts 10-Page Memo to King Arguing Men Better Miners TEUTONS VILLAGE — An internal memo written by a Teutonic gold miner to his king arguing that male villagers are inherently more productive than their…
August 29, 2017 WNBA 2K18 Career Mode Lets You Play as Athletes Working Their Second Jobs WNBA 2K18 Career Mode Lets You Play as Athletes Working Their Second Jobs NOVATO, Calif. — First looks at this fall’s upcoming WNBA2K18 game are in and a majority of the game’s career mode reportedly consists of athletes…
August 28, 2017 Grandpa Still Haunted by Triple Kill He Got in Korea Grandpa Still Haunted by Triple Kill He Got in Korea NEW BRIDGE, N.J. — Veteran Alex Gresham made it obviously clear to his family that he was not over his incredible and traumatizing three-person kill-streak…
August 27, 2017 Mutant League Football Player Under Investigation for Performance Enhancing Drugs Mutant League Football Player Under Investigation for Performance Enhancing Drugs EL PASO, Tex. — The world of professional Mutant League sports was rocked amidst recent accusations of doping against the Midway Monsters’ star quarterback, Razor…
August 26, 2017 New Boyfriend Clearly Just a Palette Swap of Old Boyfriend New Boyfriend Clearly Just a Palette Swap of Old Boyfriend TEMPE, Ariz. — ASU student Shelly Campbell has started dating local realtor Aaron Jackson two months after breaking up with longtime boyfriend Eric Johnson, who…
August 25, 2017 Soldier on Deathbed: “I Wasted Most of My Thirty Lives” Soldier on Deathbed: “I Wasted Most of My Thirty Lives” DALLAS — A harrowing scene unfolded today, as decorated war hero Bill Rizer passed away of natural causes surrounded by family and colleagues. Rumors of…
August 24, 2017 Trump Enlists Lazy Video Game Designers to Build Invisible Wall Along Mexican Border Trump Enlists Lazy Video Game Designers to Build Invisible Wall Along Mexican Border BELLEVUE, Wash. — Video game developer Rare have announced a new project in partnership with the White House to build a immeasurably high invisible wall…
August 23, 2017 Main Character Reassures Final Boss Those Side Quests Meant Nothing to Him Main Character Reassures Final Boss Those Side Quests Meant Nothing to Him WIDOWBRIAR — Video game protagonist Danaes has reportedly assured final boss the Hollowsplicer, Scourge of Xissan, that the many side quests he completed before their epic…
