October 13, 2017 Haunted GameStop Found to be Built Atop Ancient Atari E.T. Game Burial Grounds Haunted GameStop Found to be Built Atop Ancient Atari E.T. Game Burial Grounds ALAMOGORDO, N.M. — A recently opened GameStop experiencing a rash of paranormal phenomena was discovered to be built atop the infamous landfill containing cartridges of…
October 12, 2017 Study Finds 80% of NES Characters Believe Earth is Flat, Only Moves to the Right Study Finds 80% of NES Characters Believe Earth is Flat, Only Moves to the Right BERKELEY, Calif. — A controversial U.C. Berkeley study found that 80% of classic Nintendo characters believe that the Earth is flat, and also only moves…
October 10, 2017 Dating Simulator Features Extra-Hard “What Are We?” Mode Dating Simulator Features Extra-Hard “What Are We?” Mode PALO ALTO, Calif. — A new dating simulator, University Tales, is making waves by offering a new extra-hard difficulty setting called “What Are We?” Mode.…
October 9, 2017 Counter-Strike K/D Ratio Listed on Skills and Experience Section of Resume Counter-Strike K/D Ratio Listed on Skills and Experience Section of Resume LAKEVILLE, Minn. — Easton Clemens, 17, added his considerable video gaming expertise to his resume in hopes of gaining an edge in the fast-paced food…
October 8, 2017 LEAKED EMAILS: Solid Snake Confided in Aides He Has No Idea What’s Going on Anymore LEAKED EMAILS: Solid Snake Confided in Aides He Has No Idea What’s Going on Anymore SHADOW MOSES ISLAND, Alaska — Classified emails intercepted by hackers today reveal Solid Snake to be completely and utterly lost regarding his latest convoluted secret…
October 7, 2017 Capcom Teases ‘Marvel Vs. Capcom Vs. Brown Vs. The Board of Education’ Capcom Teases ‘Marvel Vs. Capcom Vs. Brown Vs. The Board of Education’ TOPEKA, Kansas — Capcom raised eyebrows today by releasing a surprise teaser for an upcoming game, Marvel Vs. Capcom Vs. Brown Vs. The Board of…
October 6, 2017 Woman Checking in on Sims for First Time in 7 Years Horrified to Learn They’ve Gotten Really Into Right-Wing Extremism Woman Checking in on Sims for First Time in 7 Years Horrified to Learn They’ve Gotten Really Into Right-Wing Extremism BEAUFORT, S.C.— Shantal Addams was shocked to find that several characters she created in the video game The Sims had developed an interest in the…
October 4, 2017 Protesters Remove Statue, Activating Secret Doorway Puzzle Protesters Remove Statue, Activating Secret Doorway Puzzle MONTGOMERY, Ala. — A growing wave of unrest erupted into violence, and then confusion, as protesters removed a confederate statue in the state capitol, and…
October 3, 2017 SEGA Announces It Learned Absolutely Nothing From Sonic Mania Success SEGA Announces It Learned Absolutely Nothing From Sonic Mania Success TOKYO, Japan — SEGA held a press conference today to let the gaming world know that they haven’t learned a goddamn thing after celebrating the…
