November 11, 2017 Tony Hawk Undergoes Dangerous Skin Pixelation Surgery to Become More Recognizable Tony Hawk Undergoes Dangerous Skin Pixelation Surgery to Become More Recognizable ENCINITAS, Calif. — Pro skateboarder Tony Hawk has reportedly had every inch of his body surgically pixelated in an attempt to regain public recognition. It…
November 9, 2017 Heroic Video Game Designer Gives Female Protagonist Average-Sized Breasts Heroic Video Game Designer Gives Female Protagonist Average-Sized Breasts AMSTERDAM — Honored for his astounding design work on the fantasy roleplaying game Horizon Zero Dawn, Guerrilla Games senior producer Jochen Willemsen proudly accepted an…
November 8, 2017 Council of Siblings Begins Official Investigation in #DeleteGate Scandal Council of Siblings Begins Official Investigation in #DeleteGate Scandal LAKE WOBEGON, Minn. — The Council of Siblings began an intensive investigation after a stunned household reeled collectively as Brendan Gunderson’s Horizon: Zero Dawn save…
November 8, 2017 Friend Skims HTML Tutorial After Coming Up With Idea for Largest Open World Video Game Ever Friend Skims HTML Tutorial After Coming Up With Idea for Largest Open World Video Game Ever GREAT NECK, N.Y. — Local friend Garrison Fields, 22, reportedly skimmed an online tutorial for the coding language HTML after announcing that he had conceived…
November 7, 2017 Microsoft: Xbox One X is The Best Way to Never Get to Play The Last of Us Microsoft: Xbox One X is The Best Way to Never Get to Play The Last of Us REDMOND, Wash. — With the Xbox One X hitting stores today, gamers nationwide are lining up to find out if the system can indeed keep…
November 7, 2017 Guard With Four Arrows in Torso Starting to Think Intruder Nearby Guard With Four Arrows in Torso Starting to Think Intruder Nearby WHITERUN, Skyr. — Night Watchman Thorbjorg Halmsteim told reporters he began to suspect a trespasser might be afoot today, after he felt a fourth arrow…
November 6, 2017 Open Source Emulator Celebrates 20th Anniversary of Occasionally Working Open Source Emulator Celebrates 20th Anniversary of Occasionally Working ROTTERDAM, Netherlands — Snes9x celebrated its 20-year anniversary of occasionally performing the tasks necessary to play video games without needing the original system hardware, today.…
November 5, 2017 NFL Rookie Trying to Kneel During National Anthem Accidentally Goes Prone NFL Rookie Trying to Kneel During National Anthem Accidentally Goes Prone EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. — In what appeared to be an attempt to show support for his teammates, New York Giants rookie running back Aaron Brockfeld…
November 4, 2017 If You’re Such a Big Overwatch Fan, Then Name Which Character I’m Masturbating to Right Now If You’re Such a Big Overwatch Fan, Then Name Which Character I’m Masturbating to Right Now Oh, you think you’re a big Overwatch fan, huh? Well if you’re so into Overwatch, then answer me this: Which character am I masturbating to…
