April 5, 2018 Mainstream Acceptance of Nerd Culture Leaves Thousands of Gatekeepers Unemployed Mainstream Acceptance of Nerd Culture Leaves Thousands of Gatekeepers Unemployed LOS ANGELES — Recent labor statistics show the number of gatekeeper positions available in the United States dropped 30% between 2016 and 2017, and is…
April 4, 2018 Report: Sony Searches Player’s Purchase History to Pick Monthly Free Games Report: Sony Searches Player’s Purchase History to Pick Monthly Free Games TOKYO, Japan — A new investigative report released today reveals that the monthly PlayStation Plus free games for the PlayStation 4 are decided upon after…
April 2, 2018 Uninspired Rule 34 Artist Just Going Through Motions of Drawing Sonic Eating Out Tails Uninspired Rule 34 Artist Just Going Through Motions of Drawing Sonic Eating Out Tails ALBANY, N.Y. — Revered Rule 34 artist Sophia Zinn is no longer feeling inspired by her various drawings of Sonic eating out his friend Tails,…
March 29, 2018 All Powerful Being Capable of Destroying Worlds Patiently Awaits Turn All Powerful Being Capable of Destroying Worlds Patiently Awaits Turn BETWEEN PERCEPTION AND REALITY — Local deity Paradox Omnideath made the decision to wait for his opponents to perform various actions before making his own…
March 27, 2018 Ocarina of Time Owl Announced as New White House Press Secretary Ocarina of Time Owl Announced as New White House Press Secretary WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump surprised Americans today by replacing Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders with the talking owl who appeared in The Legend of…
March 26, 2018 Fortnite Mobile Game Eliminates All Other Apps From Phone, Claims Victory Royale Fortnite Mobile Game Eliminates All Other Apps From Phone, Claims Victory Royale CARY, N.C. — Epic Games’ popular battle royale shooter Fortnite, now available as a mobile game, has successfully removed all competing apps from a local…
March 24, 2018 Blizzard Launches Restaurant With Shitty Servers Blizzard Launches Restaurant With Shitty Servers IRVINE, Calif. — Early reports coming from Blizzard Entertainment’s newest venture, a newly opened downtown cafe, are indicating that the service is consistently incompetent and…
March 23, 2018 World’s Biggest Final Fantasy Fan Almost Completed Some of the Games World’s Biggest Final Fantasy Fan Almost Completed Some of the Games ATHENS, Ga. — Final Fantasy fanatic Patrick Danielson is widely considered to be the world’s biggest fan of the extremely popular franchise; he created &…
March 20, 2018 Second Person Shooter Game Raises Many Philosophical Questions Second Person Shooter Game Raises Many Philosophical Questions SAN FRANCISCO — A new second person shooter game called “Are You Playing?” — which features a gun-toting protagonist who faces the camera, instead of…
