May 5, 2018 Favored Derby Horse Vanishes After Adventurer Whistles Two States Away Favored Derby Horse Vanishes After Adventurer Whistles Two States Away ADAIR, Okla. â Fans at todayâs 114th Kentucky Derby were reportedly confused and terrified as they watched Justify, a favorite to win, get sucked into…
May 4, 2018 Sad Incel Doesn’t Get the Hint From Uninterested Girl Sad Incel Doesn’t Get the Hint From Uninterested Girl MUSHROOM KINGDOM â Plumber and noted loner Mario Mario has reportedly missed multiple verbal and nonverbal cues from Princess Peach, who has desperately tried to…
May 1, 2018 Shitty Game Console Looking Forward to Retro Status Shitty Game Console Looking Forward to Retro Status KYOTO, Japan â Executives at Nintendo are reportedly counting the days until their Wii U console, an underwhelming system released six years ago, becomes old…
April 30, 2018 Terrified MIT Computer Scientists Hide From Roomba Hacked to Run DOOM Terrified MIT Computer Scientists Hide From Roomba Hacked to Run DOOM CAMBRIDGE, Mass. â Several graduate students associated with the Massachusetts Institute of Technology’s Media Lab have taken shelter in a supply closet after a Roomba…
April 29, 2018 60-Year-Old Secretary Technically Professional Gamer 60-Year-Old Secretary Technically Professional Gamer COLLEGE STATION, Texas â Administrative official Joan Norman recently celebrated her 30th anniversary working a position at Texas A&M University, which sources have claimed consists…
April 28, 2018 ‘Let’s Jump Right Into It,’ Says YouTuber Eight Minutes Into Tutorial ‘Let’s Jump Right Into It,’ Says YouTuber Eight Minutes Into Tutorial GLENCOE, Ill. â Seventeen-year-old Twitch streamer and occasional âYouTube Tutorialistâ Tucker Ferguson announced to viewers his intention to âjump right into it,â eight full minutes…
April 26, 2018 PUBG Gives Me Hope That I Can Still Be Loved Despite Being Deeply Broken PUBG Gives Me Hope That I Can Still Be Loved Despite Being Deeply Broken Many video game journalists wrote this year that PlayerUnknownâs Battlegrounds was their top game of 2017, and I wholeheartedly agree. But for me, itâs not…
April 24, 2018 New Spider-Man Game Probably Wonât Draw From Arc Where Norman Osborn Impregnated a Teenager New Spider-Man Game Probably Wonât Draw From Arc Where Norman Osborn Impregnated a Teenager BURBANK, Calif. â While details are unknown as to which comic books inspired the story for the new PlayStation 4 Spider-Man game by Insomniac Games,…
April 22, 2018 Donald Trump Reveals Presidency Actually Nuzlocke Run Donald Trump Reveals Presidency Actually Nuzlocke Run WASHINGTON â President Donald Trump revealed via a series of tweets this morning that his presidency has been following the rules of the PokĂ©mon Nuzlocke…
