June 5, 2018 Funky Kong Denies All Allegations Through Lawyer Kong Funky Kong Denies All Allegations Through Lawyer Kong DONKEY KONG ISLAND — Facing a growing list of charges from the DKPD, professional surfer and entrepreneur Funky Kong issued a statement through his attorney,…
June 3, 2018 Barcade Galaga Cabinet Hoping to Hear Back About Job at Regular Arcade Barcade Galaga Cabinet Hoping to Hear Back About Job at Regular Arcade CHICAGO — While patrons of local bar and arcade Headquarters Beercade roughly mashed buttons and joysticks late Friday night, Galaga cabinet SN:GLGA488459 revealed that it…
June 1, 2018 Long Tetris Piece Stuck in Traffic on 405 Long Tetris Piece Stuck in Traffic on 405 IRVINE, Calif. — Games of Tetris everywhere were held up for hours today as the Long Piece found itself stuck in rush hour traffic on…
May 31, 2018 Roseanne Barr Honorarily Suspended From Overwatch League Roseanne Barr Honorarily Suspended From Overwatch League LOS ANGELES — After tweeting a racist comment to her 800,000 followers, Overwatch League has decided to give Roseanne Barr an honorary six-week suspension and…
May 29, 2018 Epic Games Releases More Enjoyable Countersuit Against PUBG Corp. Epic Games Releases More Enjoyable Countersuit Against PUBG Corp. After discovering that they’re being sued by the PUBG Corp. alleging that their smash hit release Fortnite infringed on copyrights of theirs, Epic Games has…
May 29, 2018 Bungie Incorporates ‘Masturbate’ Emote Into Destiny 2 so Players Can Truly Go Fuck Themselves Bungie Incorporates ‘Masturbate’ Emote Into Destiny 2 so Players Can Truly Go Fuck Themselves BELLEVUE, Wash. — After intense player demands and complaints, Bungie finally announced a new addition to the Destiny 2 Eververse store, an emote that will…
May 28, 2018 Fans Complain New Swastika-Shaped CS:GO Gun Barrel Lowers Antisemitism Skill Curve Fans Complain New Swastika-Shaped CS:GO Gun Barrel Lowers Antisemitism Skill Curve BELLEVUE, Wash. — Some players of the popular first-person shooter Counter Strike: Global Offensive are outraged following a new update that features a pistol gun…
May 27, 2018 Gamer Wishes Real Life Was Less Open World Gamer Wishes Real Life Was Less Open World OKLAHOMA CITY — Local gamer Emilie Brockview reportedly told friends that, despite loving open world gameplay in video games, she desperately yearns for more structure…
May 25, 2018 Guitar Hero Controller Relocated From Closet to Garage Guitar Hero Controller Relocated From Closet to Garage SACRAMENTO, Calif. — After years of taking up space inside the back of his living room closet, 29-year-old Adam Parker rediscovered the plastic guitar controller…
