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Mime Found Strangled to Death by Wireless Controller


LINCOLN, Neb. — Police are investigating the death of local mime Jacques Francois after he was found strangled in his home by a wireless PlayStation controller.

“If anyone has any leads or information that could help lead us to a suspect in this gruesome crime, we ask that you come forward immediately,” said police Capt. Chuck Crittenden during a press conference about the investigation. “I understand that nobody in the mime community wants to talk, but if you saw something, you need to say something. Or, I don’t know, write it down?”

The death of Mr. Francois marks the fourth strangulation of a mime by means of a wireless controller this month. The pattern has raised questions about whether or not this trend marks the return of “The Silent Killer,” a long-dormant serial killer who terrorized the mime community for decades with a series of grisly murders that abruptly stopped in the late ‘80s. 

The killer was suspected to be Marcel Meutre, who died in a shootout with police.

“Zero chance. None,” Crittenden told reporters. “I finger-gunned that son of a bitch right between the eyes from point blank range. We even put him in two invisible boxes covered in chains when we buried him just to be sure he could never get out. The Silent Killer is dead. End of story”

However, experts in serial killer behavior claim the most recent pattern of slayings fits the Silent Killer’s modus operandi with a high degree of certainty.

“He kills mimes with invisible objects,” said Dr. Jillian Zhang, renowned scholar of The Silent Killer and author of Speak No Evil, the definitive book on the previous murders. “Pretty simple.”

Police are asking anyone with more information to come down to the station where they will have charades experts on hand to help interpret.

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