LINCOLN, Neb. — After being laid off from his job at a regional cardboard box supply company last week, local gamer Dale Lowry has reportedly tried to feel “normal” again by hiding in his own bathroom to play his Nintendo Switch.
“I’ve been keeping my daily habits so I don’t get too depressed,” said Lowry from the toilet in his apartment. “Just some little things, like getting up at a reasonable hour, showering and putting on clean clothes in the morning, and sneaking away to the bathroom so I can knock out some chores in Animal Crossing.”
Lowry’s roommate Geoff Alonzo noticed the behavior immediately.
“Sometimes I’ll be about to ask Dale to empty the laundry or wash his dishes, and all of a sudden he’ll be in the bathroom with the sink running. I know he does it to hide the joystick sounds. I’m not an idiot,” said Alonzo, standing in front of the bathroom door and holding up his own Switch. “I can see him logged on.”
When asked why he hasn’t pressed Lowry on the issue, Alonzo insisted that it would be too embarrassing to bring up.
“I’m not gonna tell a guy he’s been in the bathroom too much. Maybe he has, like, an intestinal problem? You never know,” said Alonzo, returning to the kitchen and turning on the sink. “I’d rather do the dishes myself than have that conversation.”
“Exactly,” said Bowers when told about this response. “Works like a charm.”
As for allegations that Lowry has also been opening and closing Twitch windows on his laptop whenever anyone passes, these reports remain unconfirmed.
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