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ASGARD — Grumpy father and former Greek god Kratos has joined Fortnite so that he can better connect with his son Atreus, who finds the whole situation very embarrassing, sources confirm.

“At first it was cool seeing my dad in Fortnite. I got to tell all my friends about it and he was spending more time with me. He started to take things too far, though, and now anytime I see him he tries to impress me by flossing,” said Atreus, building a wall to hide. “He also plays with me online, which is fine when we win, but when we lose he destroys the computer with his ax and swears vengeance against the players that beat us. It’s a lot.”

Atreus went on to explain how his father being in Fortnite was not only impacting their relationship with each other, but also his relationships with friends.

“He keeps trying to hang out with me and my friends outside the game. He thinks all we talk about is Fortnite, but we don’t even like it that much. When he drops us off at the movies he tells us to thank the bus driver, and if we don’t he gets all stern and brooding. Just last week he asked us all what we would think if he were to dye his beard blue like Ninja. I just wish he would stop. I much preferred him when he was angry and abrasive towards me.”

Kratos spoke in regards to his own experiences after joining Fortnite.

“Sony approached me with a very lucrative contract, and at first I declined. I thought it would be a terrible idea that only a huge sellout would do, to cash in on that easy Fortnite money. Then I heard that the boy played Fortnite and I knew I had to join. The boy and I have never been closer, and I can tell he finally respects me. All this time I thought killing Gods would bring us closer together but it turns out all I needed was some epic parenting.”

Kratos was told by Epic Games that he would only be a temporary character, but that decision was quickly changed after Kratos tore through the corporate offices with his blades of chaos.

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