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IGN Writer Goes Postal, Leaving 13 Great, 6 Amazing


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SAN FRANCISCO — Friends and family were left looking for answers after a lone IGN writer stormed out of the company’s offices this morning and went on a rampage, leaving thirteen Great and six in Amazing condition.

Witnesses described the scene in vivid, unsettling detail.

“We were just walking down the street, going to lunch like normal, when we heard shouting, and… then I saw him,” said Alyssa Basset, a student from SFSU. “He was going wild. There was this old man sitting there on a bench, and he just — he told him he had such impressive graphics. Some of the best he’d ever seen.”

The suspect, whom police have yet to name publicly, emerged from the building at 11:48am, and immediately began complimenting everyone in sight until he was subdued by police six minutes later, having reviewed nineteen bystanders and himself.

Todd Olsen, a waiter at the cafe near the scene, spoke to reporters.

“When I heard all the yelling, I knew something was happening, so I just started running,” said Olsen, visibly shaken. “I guess he must have seen me turn to run because he started praising my extremely responsive controls.”

Many fled the scene. Others hid and took shelter in the area’s “lush, detailed environments,” as the suspect reportedly wrote in notebooks planning the outburst. Authorities are investigating his social media accounts, which were taken down after the incident.

“Looking at his online history, we’re dealing with someone with a history of giving out Likes and leaving positive comments on other’s posts,” said Thomas Vasquez, a detective with the city police department. “There’s a definite pattern of behavior here.”

The community has been left in shock by the incident, wondering what could have motivated this young, isolated man to heap praise on complete strangers.

“I don’t understand what would drive someone to do this. It just doesn’t make sense,” said local gamer Thomas Woodward, “How can he say Jeff is a 9 out of 10? He’s basically the same Jeff as last year, which only got an 8.”

As he was taken into police custody, the yet-unnamed IGN writer reportedly expressed appreciation for the officers’ quick load times and brutal, satisfying melee takedowns.

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