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Happy Mask Salesman Immediately Sells Out Entire Stock of N95 Deku Masks


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CLOCK TOWN — Selling out his entire inventory after five minutes of announcing a restock, the Happy Mask Salesman announced to disappointed customers that his N95 respirator Deku Masks were completely sold out, frustrated sources confirmed.

“Thank you all so much for your keen interest in my N59 Deku Masks, but unfortunately my inventory has met with a terrible fate,” said the uncharacteristically unhappy salesman, with his usually smiling face scrunched into a frown while he waved his arms in the air and shook his head in anguish. “Some of you may know that I’ve dealt with thieves stealing masks from me in the past, but this time the blame lies solely with my supply chain, which is experiencing difficulties in these trying times. I will be accepting pre-orders for my next batch of magical masks on a first-come, first-serve basis and I thank you all for understanding!”

“If I could rewind time by three days and revise the order I had placed with my supplier to properly meet demand, I would,” the salesman continued. “Unfortunately, I don’t have that power, and I’ll have to ask for your patience while I work to fulfill as many new orders as I can.”

At press time, the Happy Mask Salesman emphasized an advertising disclaimer that, although the N95 Deku Mask was guaranteed to transform the wearer into a Deku, it was not guaranteed to protect from contracting the coronavirus.