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60 dollars, game awards, genshin impact

ARLINGTON, Va. — A gamer who was furloughed from his job earlier this year and has therefore had minimal recreational spending money claims that Genshin Impact, the action-RPG that was released for free on iOS, Android, and PS4 earlier this year, deserved far more recognition from this year’s Game Awards. 

“I didn’t have the cash to pick up Last of Us 2, Doom Eternal, Animal Crossing, or even fucking Hades for god’s sake,” said Roderick Pierce who was one of over 20 million employees that lost their jobs earlier this year as the COVID-19 pandemic first hit the United States. “But Genshin gave me hundreds of hours of free content that I can play on my phone, so I was able to enjoy it even after I sold my PlayStation 4 to cover the water bill in July. Just an incredible title, and a real gift for the fans of the genre, as well as anyone that was largely left to fend for themselves this year.” 

Representatives from the Game Awards defended last night’s ceremony, which saw Genshin Impact lose both awards it was nominated for; Best Mobile Game and Best RPG.

“What can I say? It was a packed year,” said Geoff Keighley, longtime executive producer and host of the broadcast. “Genshin did a lot of things right, but at the end of the day we felt it was too derivative of Breath of the Wild to really be included amongst a list of the year’s absolute best games. So this guy got a check for twelve hundred dollars and is complaining about not being able to afford video games? Maybe he should be a little smarter with his money.”

When told of his comments, Pierce disagreed with Keighley’s assessment of the game’s relevance.

“Yeah, it was a lot like Breath of the Wild, in that it was the only game I was able to play in 2020,” he said. “But other than that, Genshin gives you over 20 playable characters to pick from, and I never had to explain to my wife that Breath of the Wild wasn’t some anime porn thing when she saw me playing. They’re totally different games, don’t be absurd.”

As of press time, Pierce had closed Genshin and was watching a Let’s Play of The Last of Us 2 on YouTube.

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