Tags

chair, fart

BURBANK, Calif. — Local gamer Doug Saunders recently purchased a high-end gaming chair, equipped with advanced technical features, a dynamic cushioning system, and the ability to absorb some of the most devastating farts that Saunders’ body has ever produced, sources close to the story report.

“I guess you could say I take my gaming very seriously,” said Saunders during a live Twitch stream. “So when it came time to buy a new chair, I knew I needed something that could handle a pretty heavy workload. This thing does it all: The backrest keeps the strain off my spine, the twin cooling fans keep the sweat away, and the seat can handle even the wettest, nastiest farts with ease. I’m talking Panda-Express-and-Taco-Bell-in-the-same-day kinds of farts. I’m blasting straight WMDs into this thing and it’s holding up like a champ.”

While fart absorption is an apparent perk of the chair, gaming accessory manufacturer LVLUP insists that their chairs are not specifically designed to suppress intense flatulence.

“We understand that gamers are discovering several ‘hidden features’ of our chairs, and while we are thrilled that our customers are enjoying our product, we would like to kindly remind gamers not to send us personal videos of our chairs absorbing your diabolical farts,” a press release from LVLUP reads. “To be perfectly clear, we are talking to you, Doug Saunders of Burbank, California. Any further videos will be pursued with legal action, especially the ones where you’re not wearing any pants.”

Despite the cease and desist from LVLUP, Saunders still claims that he’ll only be purchasing LVLUP products from now on for all his gaming chair needs.

“Hey, if they don’t want my free video content, I guess that’s on them,” Saunders said near the end of his live stream. “But if they keep making chairs that can handle 20 to 30 of these dirty bombs per night, they’ve got a customer for life.”

Saunders then released a remarkably loud fart into the chair, prompting a surprised look on his face as he muttered, “Uh-oh, not again,” and abruptly ended the stream.  

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