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Exhausted Fan Game Developer Prays Nintendo Sends Cease and Desist Soon


cease and desist, fan game, nintendo

LOS ANGELES — Paul Moreno, the lone developer for a dating simulator game based on Nintendo’s popular Zelda franchise, once again asked God to please intervene and take this burdensome project away from him, friends of the 24-year-old writer report.

“Please, Lord, remind Nintendo’s lawyers what I’m doing,” pleaded Moreno, who has spent the last six months of his free time working on Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Hearts. The game, whose early screenshots found viral success online, promises to let players “experience the world of Hyrule like never before” with “over 20 kissable characters.”

“It started as a fun idea I wanted to try,” said the first-time game developer. “Now I spend all my time working on a game I can’t even sell, and the fans won’t leave me alone.” Moreno claims to receive direct messages each day asking for progress updates and offering suggestions for the hotly anticipated fan game. “I am glad people are excited but I wish they would stop threatening me and/or offering to do the soundtrack.”

“I’ve done the math and this is going to take me at least three more years working part-time,” added Moreno. “When I started I just wanted you to be able to kiss Ganon. I didn’t realize I’d have to plan six different Ganon-kissing dialogs depending on if you are friends with Impa or have light arrows in your inventory. Video games are a goddamn mess.”

Asked about A Link Between Hearts, a Nintendo of America spokesperson responded, “We do not comment publicly on any alleged violations of Nintendo’s copyrights — unless such projects already have years of effort put in. Then we’ll really bring the hammer down.”

Moreno was still holding out hope for a cease and desist, going as far as to mail Nintendo a pre-addressed envelope with all of his contact information.

Wrote Moreno, “I stare at a screen all day at work and then I come home and do this. My cat doesn’t even pay attention to me anymore. Please, Nintendo. You alone can end my pain. Just give me an out.”

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