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animal crossing, antz, blathers, bugs life, nintendo, pixar, switch

Eeek! You wish to know about A Bug’s Life? What a wretched film. Such horror. Repugnance! Good heavens. Watching it, I struggle to maintain my composure.

Ahem, I beg your pardon. I do detest the 1998 Pixar film A Bug’s Life. However, if you insist, I can tell you about it. 

A Bug’s Life centers around an abhorrent ant named Flik, a member of a colony under the oppressive rule of the tyrannical grasshopper Hopper. Due to his subpar intelligence, Flik destroys the grasshoppers’ food supply, and he must seek assistance outside the anthill in order to mollify the grasshoppers’ rage.

This plot continues in nonsensical fashion for 96 torturous minutes as Pixar subjects its poor audience to a loathsome parade of insect grotesqueries. 

Why, the film is a detestable horrorshow. Its six-legged monstrosities embark on an adventure that’s as execrable as it is anti-factual — a dangerous combination for impressionable minds seeking educational growth. 

Consider Heimlich, the film’s hideous interpretation of the contemptible caterpillar. Heimlich is a plump fellow who whines in an over-the-top German accent — an absurd choice, given that the oldest fossils of the caterpillar were discovered in Lebanese amber. 

It is bad enough to market a film about these putrid pests to children, but to then poison their minds with falsehoods and fantasies on the origins of species? An odious act beyond salvation.

Anyhoots, thank you for your inquiry into this film. Although A Bug’s Life is the bane of my existence, I am happy to provide my analysis on cinema that is important to the culture.

By the by, I wonder if you have anything to actually donate, or —

EEEK! You want to know about Antz? An even more wretched film. I must inform you that I have not seen the film as I am boycotting Woody Allen, who is even more heinous than the lowly creatures he portrays.

Please let me know if you have actual items to donate or need assistance. I am here to help!

Hoo!

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