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Door to Entry-Level Job Barred From Other Side


LOS ANGELES — Local graphic designer Max Norman attempted to access an entry-level job this week, only to find that it was barred from the other side, and therefore inaccessible.

“I loaded up the job site and saw this position listed right in front of me, pretty much begging me to apply. But then I clicked it, and it turned out it was impossible to get in there,” said Norman, who had taken several courses in Photoshop but lacked work experience. “I threw everything I had at the thing—resume, cover letter, lots of samples—but it wouldn’t budge.”

Eventually, Norman realized he would need to find another way to access the job.

“I think I probably have to go around,” he said, changing the search from ‘entry-level’ to ‘unpaid’ and taking a deep breath. “I can already tell this is gonna be a grind.”

Managers at the company defended their hiring practices, claiming it was the best way for applicants to improve themselves.

“We can’t just let a newbie into an entry-level job. We need to make them jump through some hoops first, maybe fail a few times, take some damage to their health, before we give them even the slightest amount of compensation for it,” said senior marketing analyst Ted Reese. “Then we give them a tiny reward, and they do it all again, hoping we’ll eventually give them more.”

At press time, Norman had been rejected from a few internships, and was considering shelling out some money to boost his stats in grad school.

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