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dnd, dog, fetch, frisbee, inventory, pathfinder, roleplaying game, RPG, slot, tabletop

SEATTLE — Adorable old english sheepdog and total noob, Pancakes, blew the only slot in his extremely limited inventory on a single frisbee, disappointed sources confirmed.

“I tried to stop him,” explained Pancake’s caretaker, Todd White, while shuffling through stacks of graph paper. “This whole ‘dog’ class? I don’t get it. Sure you get like +4 to perception and a bonus against squirrels, but your INT goes way down, your DEX is pretty much nonexistent,  and your inventory is ass. He has no idea what he’s doing and he’s gonna get owned.” 

Several passersby in the park noted Pancakes’ disadvantage when he attempted to eat a piece of pizza off the ground.

“You don’t run a dog build unless you’re a master of the craft,” said Kendra Parr, a hacky sacker. “Dogs can’t hold a lot because they don’t need anything. Do you know how many charisma checks dogs can beat? I saw a dog get served at a restaurant once! And their speed? Why would a dog need pockets? Pockets only hold a dog back.”

“This dog is going to get absolutely dunked on,” said Jacob Mackey, another park guest watching as Pancake pulled aggro on a nearby seagull. “Whoever’s shiba this is needs to teach him proper strats right now. Everyone knows dogs get a huge attack penalty against aerial opponents. Plus this seagull can move in more dimensions than this dog. It’s like they’re not even playing the same game!” He threw some popcorn at Pancakes, adding “Mad cuz bad!”

At press time, Pancakes had gone viral on Twitch for getting absolutely clowned on by the enraged seagull.

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