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Chain Smoking BioShock Devs Trying to Think of Weird Place a City Could Be


bioshock, ken levine, smoking

SAN FRANCISCO — With only a week left before their deadline, a group of stressed, chain-smoking developers of the new BioShock are holed up in their office and trying to think of a weird place for a dystopian city to be, sources at 2K Games confirmed.

“Welcome to the fucking madhouse, gentlemen,” said lead developer Jonathan Bakeland before taking an incredibly long drag of his cigarette, burning it straight down to the filter. “That prick Ken Levine really painted us into a corner. He’s already made BioShock games set under the sea, then up in the sky, and then back under the sea again. Where the hell are we supposed to set the new BioShock now? Come on, think!”

Sources say that following his speech to the team, developers then gathered in a cramped and smoky conference room, reading pitches while lighting more cigarettes and pouring glasses of aged rye whiskey from the drink cart in the corner of the room. The meeting moved quickly as ideas were dismissed one by one, pausing only when Bakeland felt the need to express his unhappiness with an idea at length.

“God damn it, this isn’t fanfiction, people,” yelled Bakeland, slamming his highball glass against the table in disgust after one developer suggested for the game to be set in an alternate universe in 1820 starring John Quincy Adams as the founder of an underground society of mole people. “What’s next, is someone going to suggest we put it in space and make the enemies aliens? Great idea! Maybe we can even change the title to something like ‘Halo’! This is gonna make us millions! Jesus Christ, you’re all gonna give me an ulcer!”

At press time, sources say that Bakeland had suddenly perked up and gotten a crazy look in his eye after a developer halfheartedly suggested that they set the game in present day New York City.

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