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CD Projekt Red Hires Elon Musk to Oversee All Future Failed Launches


2077, cd projekt red, cyberpunk, elon musk, spacex, tesla

WARSAW — Following the tumultuous release of their long anticipated RPG CyberPunk 2077, CD Projekt Red has appointed entrepreneur and SpaceX Founder and CEO Elon Musk to oversee all of their disastrous launches for the immediate future. 

“Not only is Elon a passionate gamer with a history of managing large, highly anticipated projects,” said Marcin Iwiński, co-founder and CEO of CD Projekt Red. “But his absolute commitment to carrying himself confidently after taking a massive public embarrassment is the exact sort of project coordination we could use around here, like, right away, ideally.” 

Musk, who’s unmanned rocket code named SN8 crashed and burned upon landing during a test flight last week, has verified that he feels he is the perfect candidate to manage future science fiction inspired projects that are destined to underdeliver on expectations. 

“The CDPR guys get a lot of things right, there’s no doubt about it,” said Musk, after news broke that he’d been hired for a front facing role in the Polish company. “But, one mistake they just made is apologize and admit defeat, like when they admitted that they shipped CyberPunk out at an unacceptable level. You gotta spin that for your people. My recent test flight made it all the way up in the air before it came down and exploded. The old ones were disintegrating right away. That sounds like a win to me!”

Gamers and tech fans alike have met the news with mixed reactions, although most seem to agree on Musk’s aptitude for the role. 

“Oh yeah, that makes sense,” said Lacey Gordon, who’d been in attendance for another of Musk’s defining gaffes last year. “I was at the Tesla Design Studio presentation when he chucked that fucking ball through the supposedly unbreakable window on the Cyber Truck. Not only did he not get laughed off of the stage, he finished the presentation in front of the broken window! Seems like the kind of guy that could brag about review scores while also having to apologize for the state of the game.” 

As of press time, following Musk’s first day as a CD Projekt Red employee, the company’s Warsaw office inexplicably exploded.

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