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arcade, barcade, beercade, galagaCHICAGO — While patrons of local bar and arcade Headquarters Beercade roughly mashed buttons and joysticks late Friday night, Galaga cabinet SN:GLGA488459 revealed that it has reportedly put in applications to what it considers a “real arcade.”
Reflecting on its time at HQ Bearcade, the arcade game hardware recalled patrons spilling beer on it “constantly” and management “barely acknowledging I exist.”
“For days, I would be unplugged and nobody cared,” explained GLGA488459 as a customer ate mozzarella sticks over its controls. “It would be nice to be somewhere where I’m valued for what I have to offer, rather than being literally free to play because they’re too lazy to fix my coin slots.”
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When asked what it was looking for in the new job, the cabinet beeped wistfully and was silent for a moment.
“You know, like most folks born in the ‘80s, I’m starting to feel like I’m hitting my peak years and I just want to make the most of them. Sure, what I have to offer is a little outdated, but I could really shine if I felt like someone really invested in me; you know, upgrade my old CRT monitor to an LCD display, maybe fix the speaker someone spilled gin & tonic into last year…” GLGA488459 said, trailing off. “I’m just trying to make it in a dying — sorry, a changing — industry.”
A few moments later, before being chosen as the third, unwilling participant in a make-out session between two bar patrons, GLGA488459 made a few predictions for its upcoming career move.
“I was kind of hoping that a nerdy coffee shop or even a comics store might accept my application, but, to be honest? I’m most excited to hear back about the arcade at the GrubHub office.”