Video Games

Only One Way to Find Out If Start Button Will Pause or Skip Crucial Cutscene

TAMPA, Fla. — Local gamer Kristine Rivera reportedly held her bladder for 12 painful minutes last night, unsure if pressing…

4 years ago

‘Mass Effect’ Fan Skeptical That Their Choice in Presidential Election Will Influence Ending

RIVERTON, Wyo. — Avid Mass Effect fan Martin Shore plans to opt out of voting in the upcoming 2020 presidential…

4 years ago

Incredibly Realistic ‘Skate 4’ Makes Players Ration Little Cup of Salsa for Entire Burrito

LOS ANGELES — Anticipation for the fourth installment of EA’s popular Skate franchise has heightened after the company promised the…

4 years ago

Opinion: Video Games are for Children. If You’re an Adult, You Should Stare at Wall Until You Fucking Die

Listen, here’s the deal: there is absolutely nothing wrong with liking video games if you’re a child, but that needs…

4 years ago

Can You Violate the Geneva Conventions in Slime Rancher, Destiny, and Resident Evil 4?

Tiger Force is the moniker of an infamous United States battalion who were known for committing countless crimes during the…

4 years ago

Triangle Button Just Happy to Be Included

PS4 CONTROLLER — Though it is used sparingly in many gameplay situations, local PS4 button Triangle insisted that it is…

4 years ago

Termina Resident Convinced Giant, Ominous Moon Liberal Hoax

CLOCK TOWN — A Termina citizen took to the streets yesterday to denounce the large, ominous moon inching ever closer…

4 years ago

Disgusting: Little Baby Bitch Boy Coward Gamer Brightens Horror Settings So Symbol Still Visible

PHILADELPHIA — Local game enthusiast and known little baby bitch boy Shawn Hughes began his playthrough of The Last of…

4 years ago

Police Department Assigns Peaceful Protestors Automatic Five-Star Wanted Level

LOS SANTOS, Calif. — In a move that local activists decried as the latest example of carceral state overreach, the…

4 years ago