Video Games

Historically Shit-Sucking Gamer Thinks He’s Battle Royale God After Unknowingly Beating First Round of Bots

GREENSBORO, N.C. — Local gamer Harry Olsen, who has sucked shit at every single video game he has ever played,…

4 years ago

5 Reasons Why We Still Don’t Believe Those ‘3D Mario Collection’ Rumors

By now you’ve seen the rumors: a collection of some of Mario’s greatest 3D adventures are supposedly going to be…

4 years ago

Betsy DeVos Calls for Public Schools to Be Defunded After Witnessing Rodney Mullen Do 360 Kickflip Through Gymnasium Roof

SCHOOL II — U.S. Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos demanded funding cuts after witnessing a professional skateboarder do a 360…

4 years ago

New IT Guy Replaces All Network Passwords With Fun Little Puzzles for You to Solve

PALO ALTO, Calif. — Medical corporate giant BioloGen is paving the way for network security by doing away with boring…

4 years ago

Conversation With White Relatives About Systematic Racism Needs More Dialogue Options

SARASOTA, Fla. — Local college student Sara Withers complained about a lack of good dialogue options when speaking to her…

4 years ago

Grandma Playing Super Mario 64 Can’t Get Past Part Where You Endlessly Pull Mario’s Cute Little Cheeks

PEEKSKILL, N.Y. — Local grandma Meredith Blum has been stuck for two days on the opening screen of Super Mario…

4 years ago

Nintendo Direct Leaves Gamer Excited About 14 Games He Won’t Buy When They Come Out

TUCSON, Ariz. —  A recent installment of Nintendo’s Direct series of videos showcasing upcoming software coming to their platform has…

4 years ago

Amazon’s Luna Threatens to Put Final Nail in Mom and Pop Cloud Based Gaming Services

SAND LAKE, Mich. — Amazon surprised the world today with its announcement of Luna, the cloud based gaming service expected…

4 years ago

Psychologists Warn 1 in 10 Crewmates Could Develop Impostor Syndrome

NEW YORK — Researchers at Columbia University have published a paper which warns that roughly 10% of all spaceship crewmates…

4 years ago