Video Games

Opinion: It Is Literally Impossible for Me to Be the Impostor

Okay, first off, I don’t even know why we’re having this Emergency Meeting. Don’t get me wrong, Yellow’s death is…

4 years ago

All Cops Are Bastards Even If They Can Collect All Five COMBO Letters While Scoring 12,376,400 Points

Alright, listen up. I’ve heard of you bootlicking posers that have been asking if this or that person is excused…

4 years ago

Scientists Invent Unit of Time Small Enough to Measure Console Preorder Window

BOSTON — Researchers have made an astonishing breakthrough in the study of time and space, discovering a measurement small enough…

4 years ago

Opinion: Trust Me Dude, Just Buy PS5, We’ll Totally Play Together

Listen, we’ve been friends for years now, and I think it’s time we take our brotastic adventures one step further.…

4 years ago

Realm’s Chosen Savior Agonizing at Lair Entrance Whether to Drop Broadsword or Scimitar

HYMERA — At the end of a harrowing journey to rescue his land from certain devastation, steadfast warrior Demetrios Cherwink…

4 years ago

7-Year-Old Banned From Alphabet Soup for Exploiting Customization Feature

WASHINGTON — Local child Janette Lyons, 7, has been banned from participating in Alphabet Soup at lunch in the Lyons…

4 years ago

Charles Martinet Steps Down as Voice of Mario After Being Unable to Finish Eating Gigantic Bowl of Spaghetti

SAN JOSE, Calif. — Famous Nintendo voice actor Charles Martinet has stepped down as the voice of Mario after failing…

4 years ago

Beto O’Rourke Skateboarding Game Has You Collect Letters P-O-L-I-T-I-C-A-L-C-O-W-A-R-D

EL PASO, Texas — Former United States representative Beto O’Rourke announced a new skateboarding video game that lets players collect…

4 years ago

Man On His Deathbed Still Saving Fully Charged Meter Attack

ROCHESTER, Minn. — Dying 80-year-old man Rex Titus revealed to friends and family today that, after a decade of battling…

4 years ago