Video Games

Danny Ocean Hires Team of Criminal Specialists to Break Into Blizzard Account Made Under His Old Email Address

LAS VEGAS — Master heist organizer Danny Ocean has reportedly gathered a team of top criminals, acrobats, and smooth talkers…

3 years ago

Sony Calls Emergency Meeting With Redditor u/LastofUs1296 After Callout Post

SAN MATEO, Calif. — Sony Interactive Entertainment scheduled an emergency meeting between their board of directors and u/LastofUs1296, an industry…

3 years ago

Breath of the Wild 2 Trailer Pleases Fans for Nearly Whole Afternoon

KYOTO, Japan — The recent premiere of footage from the highly anticipated Breath of the Wild 2 entry in the…

3 years ago

Sonic’s Therapist Asks If He’s Ever Considered Slowing Down

METROPOLIS ZONE — Sonic the Hedgehog has been asked to look inward and understand his deepest and most firmly held…

3 years ago

Nerf CEO Pleads With Gamers to Stop Associating His Company With Weakness

PAWTUCKET, R.I. — Hasbro CEO Brian Goldner released a video today pleading with gamers to stop using the word “nerf”…

3 years ago

Todd Howard Wishes Bethesda Showcase Were Long Enough to Tell Every Single Playstation Owner to Fuck Themselves Individually

LOS ANGELES — Todd Howard expressed regret that Bethesda’s E3 showcase was only about an hour long, because he would…

3 years ago

Day Two Recap: God Creates Clouds and Ocean

LOS ANGELES — Sunday morning kicked off Day Two of E3 with conferences from Microsoft, Square Enix, and Our Lord…

3 years ago

New Patch Fixes Glitch That Made Pen Mightier Than Sword

EARTH — Developers of the planet Earth have released a new patch that fixes a thousands-year-old glitch which accidentally made…

3 years ago

E3 Journalist Misses Visceral Thrill of Copying Press Releases in Person

SAN FRANCISCO — While covering the online-only E3 2021, video game journalist Shaun Carlson has reportedly missed the excitement of…

3 years ago