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board games, boardgame, cranium, secret hitler, tabletop

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local game night host Paul Cumiskey has been subjected to heavy criticism following guests’ accusations of bias in his presentation of potential board games for the group to play, two of which he ostensibly ignored while singing the praises of the third.

“He kind of just glossed over Secret Hitler and Cranium,” said Gordon Wynant, one of Cumiskey’s houseguests. “Which sucks because everyone else seemed really excited about them. He talked a lot about Lovecraftian Terror, though. It was pretty obvious that was the one he wanted us all to play.”

Upon their arrival, Cumiskey reportedly led guests into the dining room, where Lovecraftian Terror was in the center of the table, while the other games remained on a nearby bookshelf.

“Paul backed it on Kickstarter about a year ago,” said Jessica Macias, another one of Cumiskey’s friends. “And he’s been talking about it for months. I guess it’s based off of an old book, which is fine, I guess? None of us were really interested, so we voted to play Cranium instead. Then we went to play it, but Paul said we couldn’t because half of the game pieces were missing from the box.”

Macias explained that the same things happened with Secret Hitler, which was missing not only its president and chancellor placards, but the game board itself.

“He took them, okay?” said Dustin Brown, Cumiskey’s fiance. “He stole game pieces from every other game in our home to corner our friends into playing the one he wanted. I saw him carrying armfuls of game pieces into the bathroom and heard repeated flushing before he came out empty-handed. Normally I support him wholeheartedly, but I can’t get behind him on this. Lovecraftian Terror’s rulebook is 31 pages. What the fuck is that? I love Paul but I’m not going to subject our friends to that bullshit game.”

At press time, the group had finally given up on trying to agree on a board game and resigned themselves to playing hit Jackbox Party Pack game Just Draw a Penis for the 8th consecutive game night in a row.

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