TOLUCA LAKE, Calif. — After moving to a new home and before learning its spawn points, local woman Janice Dramps was accosted in her kitchen last night by an adversary that was not in the room earlier in the day.
“It took me all day to get the layout of the place, and I thought I knew exactly where the kobolds would pop up,” explained Dramps. “So imagine my surprise when I go to get a yogurt from my fridge in the middle of the night and a high-level goblin is just lying in wait on my kitchen island. At first I thought it might be a roommate I wasn’t told about, but he aggressively charged at me with his club. I‘ve never had roomies that bad.”
“Everything about the kitchen is weird at night,” she added. “The music that generally plays is light and fun, but when I went to get yogurt, it was all spooky and dark. Hopefully once I level up, it will be less risky to grab midnight snacks around here.”
According to local building code, landlords must disclose whether or not new enemies can spawn in residences when the sun goes down. Dramps claims she was told nothing by former tenants or her new landlord.
“I’m paying $3,400 a month for this?” Dramps complained. “Sure I have a balcony, but at sundown I now have to sit through a stupid cutscene vaguely telling me there’s danger ahead. You can bet the next chance I get I’m talking to my landlord in court. Maybe I’ll make a maintenance call late in the evening and have him stop by; see how he deals with a surprisingly powered-up adversary.”
As of press time, Dramps was waiting by a campfire she made in the corner of her bedroom until sunrise.