Tags

SAN FRANCISCO — Mainstay video game walkthrough website GameFAQs rolled out a new highly-requested “Private Mode” feature for gamers looking to hide their humiliating walkthrough history from family or friends, the company announced in a statement earlier today.

“Through our market research and our deep connections to the gaming community, we’ve found that most gamers are shy about their walkthrough history,” said GameFAQs spokesperson Theodore Cauldron. “Some even buy dedicated burner laptops to hide digital evidence of walkthroughs from their loved ones. Starting today, GameFAQs users can privately and confidently learn tips like how to find the shortcuts in Mario Kart or the solution to that pesky Gris puzzle that’s been torturing them for days.”

While this new feature will provide peace of mind to gamers who need discreet assistance, it’s also been widely praised by those partners, parents, and friends who’ve had to witness their loved ones struggle.

“I would see my partner at 2 in the morning scrolling countless walkthroughs for basic shit in Ocarina of Time while I pretended to be asleep,” lamented Bunny Lee, significant other of an embarrassed, self-conscious gamer. “I eventually checked their browser history out of curiosity and instantly regretted it.” 

“We grew up playing NES so we understand that some things just require hard work and repetition,” recalled disappointed parents Joe and Mary Gonzalez, whose son recently searched for an FAQ about strategies for winning in Fall Guys. “Ninja Gaiden gave us nightmares as kids, but when our son accidentally cast his phone screen to our TV we saw his open tab on GameFAQ’s was a search for ‘How to pass Fall Guys’, we all pretended to not see it. It made for an awkward evening. I’m just glad this new feature will make it so I never have to know those kinds of disappointing things.”

At press time, GameFAQs confirmed they will also use the new data gathered in private mode to do extremely invasive targeted advertising and user tracking.