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Trolls Fan Suspects DreamWorks Making Troll Dolls Just to Sell Movies



MINNEAPOLIS — Local doll superfan Charley Cover expressed skepticism about the upcoming Dreamworks film Trolls World Tour, claiming that the entire Trolls movie franchise had put an end to the pristine reputation of the legendary toy line going back decades. 

“It sucks,” announced Cover on Facebook over the weekend, more than three years after the release of the first Trolls film. “They took an important 1960s Danish brand of immovable, pudgy dolls and turned it into a bunch of hot, stylish, well-adjusted freaks.”

An avid collector of the toy series, Cover complained that the modern line of merchandise had abandoned the old look, replacing it with endless new designs in order to produce new movie characters every few years.

 “Every time they make up a colorful, hip Troll, they cast some new, sexy actor to match,” reasoned Cover, “and then they write a script about it. Why can’t they just use the old designs? They don’t even look like Trolls anymore… except for Russell Brand.”

 As the sequel film Trolls World Tour geared up for the 2020 release, Cover launched a petition calling for the movie to halt production. He cited unfaithfulness to the inventor’s vision and a disregard for the dolls’ original purpose.

 “Trolls aren’t supposed to be photogenic or good at things,” fumed Cover in another post, less than two hours later. “They stand, they wear clothes, and they stare at you. It’s a special kind of friendship that these movies are trying to destroy forever.”

 On the topic of their unconventional design, Cover recalled how much the first generation of Troll dolls meant to him on a personal level.

 “When I got a Troll for my fifth birthday, it was the first time I saw a doll with realistic proportions,” reminisced Cover. “I was teased a lot in school, so it did wonders for my self-esteem to know there was a company out there making dolls that looked like me — a Pilipino Super-Saiyan who was squished by something heavy.”  

When pushed for comment, DreamWorks CEO Christopher DeFaria defended the film series. 

“When I think about the kids we’re making these movies for, I imagine enjoying life, playing games, and expressing yourself through the unbridled creativity only a young person can possess,” said DeFaria. “I don’t think about ‘what if E.T. and Marge Simpson fucked and they made a toy of the kid.’”

Despite his dedication, Cover admitted he had yet to find much support for his petition, complaining that the Troll doll community “didn’t even have an active subreddit.”

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