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LANCASTER, Penn. — Manheim Township High School teacher David Siegel is reportedly not sure how to discipline Kyle Jackson, a student, over a series of Hentai-related t-shirts he has worn to class, uncomfortable sources confirmed.
“It all started with a white t-shirt that just said, ‘Hentai’ on it in a red box,” said Siegel, 55. “I asked Kyle what his shirt meant, and he claimed it was a band he liked in the style of the Supreme logo. I don’t know what Supreme is, but I definitely know Hentai isn’t the name of a band. I just played dumb. These kids will eat me alive if they find out I know what Hentai is.”
Emboldened by the encounter, 17-year-old Jackson purchased several additional Hentai shirts online, including a streetwear style long sleeve shirt with Japanese characters on the sleeves, and a parody of the Intel logo reading, “Hentai Inside.”
“About once a week he comes in with a new shirt and sits right up front by my desk,” Siegel stated. “I keep hoping another teacher will do something about it, but it looks like it’s up to me. I don’t want the principal asking why I know what Hentai means. I got in enough trouble last time I.T. had to work on my computer because my browser history showed I had listened to some rap music. I can’t imagine what explaining Hentai would do to my career without tenure.”
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“I can tell this old pussy knows what hentai is, and I’m going to make him say it,” reported Jackson, unzipping his hoodie to reveal a collage of moaning, ecstatic manga style cartoon faces. “Mr. Siegel is a pervert. He probably wishes he taught at one of those all girl schools with the uniforms and everything.”
According to Siegel, he first discovered Hentai in the mid-2000’s during a pornography spiral following his painful divorce.
“I had never watched anime before, but I stumbled on some Hentai and realized it was the only kind of porn that didn’t make me think about my ex-wife. I’ve been watching it ever since.”
Jackson, a more casual consumer, discovered hentai when he was watching Dragon Ball Super and “realized [he] was horny.” “I started googling naked anime on my phone and immediately got a virus. Totally worth it.”
At press time, Siegel and Jackson were locked in a stand-off in what witnesses have described as “a confusing and sexually charged” after-school detention.