February 13, 2021 Hayao Miyazaki Hospitalized After Son Announces New 4D Smell-O-Vision Film Hayao Miyazaki Hospitalized After Son Announces New 4D Smell-O-Vision Film TOKYO — Legendary filmmaker Hayao Miyazaki has been hospitalized as a result of his son Gorō Miyazaki announcing that his next film will be created…
February 11, 2021 Innovative Star Wars Actress Becomes Hated for Something Other Than Being a Woman Innovative Star Wars Actress Becomes Hated for Something Other Than Being a Woman LOS ANGELES — The Mandalorian’s Gina Carano has broken new ground for Star Wars by becoming the first actress in the franchise to be hated…
February 5, 2021 Taco Bell Announces Just a Big Plastic Cup of Orange Goop Taco Bell Announces Just a Big Plastic Cup of Orange Goop NEW YORK — A flustered public relations representative from Taco Bell called a televised press conference this morning to discuss recent menu changes, including the…
February 3, 2021 Guy Afraid to Tell Coworkers His Salary Because He’s Paid in Trident Layers Gum Guy Afraid to Tell Coworkers His Salary Because He’s Paid in Trident Layers Gum BUFFALO, N.Y. — Local accountant Owen Yates is reportedly afraid to reveal his salary to his coworkers because of the fact that he is paid…
January 26, 2021 Scott Pilgrim Game Re-Release Includes Disclaimer Screen Acknowledging That Scott Is a Pretty Bad Boyfriend Scott Pilgrim Game Re-Release Includes Disclaimer Screen Acknowledging That Scott Is a Pretty Bad Boyfriend TORONTO — Fans of the long-inaccessible retro beat ‘em up Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: The Game were pleasantly surprised to discover that publisher Ubisoft…
January 25, 2021 CDC Urges Americans to Acquire New Skills and Outfits for When Time Skip Ends CDC Urges Americans to Acquire New Skills and Outfits for When Time Skip Ends ATLANTA — In an attempt to help Americans better understand and adjust to the COVID-19 pandemic, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention released a…
January 22, 2021 Sony and Criterion Announce Team Up to Release Entire Collection on PSP UMDs Sony and Criterion Announce Team Up to Release Entire Collection on PSP UMDs NEW YORK — In a special broadcast from the Criterion Closet, Sony Interactive Entertainment CEO and President Jim Ryan announced a collaboration between the two…
January 22, 2021 Oh No: They Removed Donald Trump From Home Alone 2 But Accidentally Replaced Him With Pol Pot Oh No: They Removed Donald Trump From Home Alone 2 But Accidentally Replaced Him With Pol Pot Alright so we have some very good news and some very bad news. Let’s just… let’s start with the good news. Obviously, millions of Americans…
January 12, 2021 Nation Sets Aside Differences to Agree on Timothy Olyphant Nation Sets Aside Differences to Agree on Timothy Olyphant WASHINGTON — A nation on the brink of collapse took a few moments today to universally agree that Timothy Olyphant is a charismatic actor. “Oh…
