June 28, 2018 Marvel Announces ‘Dazzler’ Series Streaming Exclusively on McDonald’s Ordering Kiosks Marvel Announces ‘Dazzler’ Series Streaming Exclusively on McDonald’s Ordering Kiosks LOS ANGELES — On the heels of well-received launches of Marvel shows on Netflix, Hulu and Freeform, Marvel revealed it would be bringing its next…
June 21, 2018 New Co-Worker Won’t Shut the Fuck Up About ‘The Walking Dead’ New Co-Worker Won’t Shut the Fuck Up About ‘The Walking Dead’ LOS ANGELES — Employees at local bar and arcade The Joy Stick reportedly find Griff Softwick, a new bartender who started working there two days…
June 7, 2018 Star Wars Fan Restores Balance to the Force by Only Harassing White Male Cast Members Star Wars Fan Restores Balance to the Force by Only Harassing White Male Cast Members SEATTLE — Self-described male feminist Stephen Brassinger brought balance to a social media galaxy far far away by deciding to only harass the white male…
June 4, 2018 Every Person in Comic Book Store Thankful to be Only Normal One Every Person in Comic Book Store Thankful to be Only Normal One SALT LAKE CITY — All six patrons and two clerks in Salt Lake City’s Moonshot Comics Emporium reported they were grateful to be well-adjusted people,…
May 31, 2018 Roseanne Barr Honorarily Suspended From Overwatch League Roseanne Barr Honorarily Suspended From Overwatch League LOS ANGELES — After tweeting a racist comment to her 800,000 followers, Overwatch League has decided to give Roseanne Barr an honorary six-week suspension and…
May 30, 2018 Movie Studios Get Into Bidding War Over Rights to Ruin ‘Saga’ Adaptation Movie Studios Get Into Bidding War Over Rights to Ruin ‘Saga’ Adaptation LOS ANGELES — Several major production studios are reportedly vying for the opportunity to make a sup-par film version of the Hugo Award winning comic…
May 26, 2018 Teacher Unsure How to Write Up Student for Hentai Shirt Without Admitting He Knows What Hentai Is Teacher Unsure How to Write Up Student for Hentai Shirt Without Admitting He Knows What Hentai Is LANCASTER, Penn. — Manheim Township High School teacher David Siegel is reportedly not sure how to discipline Kyle Jackson, a student, over a series of…
May 12, 2018 PlayStation 2 Last Remaining Way to Play CDs in Apartment PlayStation 2 Last Remaining Way to Play CDs in Apartment BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Local twenty-six year old Darren Fitzgerald discovered recently that, in order to show off the CDs he’d purchased at a flea market,…
May 10, 2018 Opinion: Listen Up Fuckfaces, I’ll Write Whenever The Goddamn Fuck I Want To Opinion: Listen Up Fuckfaces, I’ll Write Whenever The Goddamn Fuck I Want To Listen up, you pathetic little nerdy fucklits: my name is George Raymond Richard Martin, and I’ll write whenever and whatever the goddamn fuck I want.…
