July 25, 2018 Programmers Closer to Building Sentient Robots than Understanding Plot of Westworld Programmers Closer to Building Sentient Robots than Understanding Plot of Westworld CHERNSVILLE, Calif. — Artificial intelligence researchers at the Chernsville Institute of Technology (ChIT) announced that they are closer than ever to building artificial life, but…
July 24, 2018 God Resigns After Discovery of Old Testament God Resigns After Discovery of Old Testament HEAVEN — Succumbing to public outcry after the shocking discovery of an Old Testament written by Himself, God, the Father Almighty creator of Heaven and…
July 23, 2018 DC Fan Practices Defending ‘Aquaman’ Movie in Mirror DC Fan Practices Defending ‘Aquaman’ Movie in Mirror CHARLESTON, S.C. — Several of local DC Extended Universe fan Shane Thorne’s roomates have confirmed that he has been practicing his inevitable defending of the…
July 21, 2018 Fully Costumed Obama Pitches Netflix Execs on Blade Reboot Fully Costumed Obama Pitches Netflix Execs on Blade Reboot LOS GATOS, Calif. — Early yesterday morning, a sword-wielding Barack Obama interrupted a meeting of high-ranking Netflix executives while wearing a tight leather trench coat,…
July 15, 2018 WWE2K19: Special Edition to Include Full Refund WWE2K19: Special Edition to Include Full Refund STAMFORD, Conn. — Several key details about this year’s WWE console title have been released, including an unprecedented refund being included with the most expensive…
July 6, 2018 Drake Actually a Wyvern Drake Actually a Wyvern WINNIPEG, Canada — Cryptozoologists have stunned the world today with the announcement that Drake, chart-topping musician and Degrassi alumnus, is not a drake at all.…
July 4, 2018 We Interviewed Skateboarding Legend Darth Maul We Interviewed Skateboarding Legend Darth Maul At the dawn of the millennium, Sith Lord Darth Maul made a name for himself as one of the most innovative and original skateboarders of…
July 2, 2018 Democrats Fail to Block Donald Trump’s Nomination to the Supreme Court Democrats Fail to Block Donald Trump’s Nomination to the Supreme Court WASHINGTON — Democrats in the Senate were unable to block President Trump’s replacement for departing Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy, resulting in the confirmation of…
June 29, 2018 Boba Fett Movie Rumored to be 90 Minutes of Climbing Out of Sarlacc Pit in Real Time Boba Fett Movie Rumored to be 90 Minutes of Climbing Out of Sarlacc Pit in Real Time LOS ANGELES — Although Disney has confirmed that the Boba Fett standalone film will be delayed, rumors are circulating that the reasoning is due to…
