June 17, 2019 Anthony Davis Evolves After Being Traded Anthony Davis Evolves After Being Traded LOS ANGELES — In a rare sporting event, NBA All-Star Anthony Davis has evolved into Anthochamp Davis this afternoon, after being traded from the New…
June 11, 2019 Pizza Guy Who Hasn’t Been Asked to Chuck a Pie in the Sewer for a While Starting to Worry About the Ninja Turtles Pizza Guy Who Hasn’t Been Asked to Chuck a Pie in the Sewer for a While Starting to Worry About the Ninja Turtles NEW YORK — Long time Domino’s delivery driver Antonio Esposito is reportedly concerned over the wellbeing of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles after having not…
June 7, 2019 Vince McMahon Breaks ‘No Blood’ Rule to Count Saudi Money Vince McMahon Breaks ‘No Blood’ Rule to Count Saudi Money SAUDI ARABIA — World Wrestling Entertainment CEO Vince McMahon has made a rare exception to the rule banning blood from their events to count the…
June 6, 2019 Disappointed Andy Serkis Unwraps Yet Another Mo-Cap Suit For Birthday Disappointed Andy Serkis Unwraps Yet Another Mo-Cap Suit For Birthday LONDON — A melancholy Andy Serkis was seen opening another gift containing a motion capture suit during his 55th birthday celebration, according to guests at…
June 6, 2019 Here are the 48 Best Times to Take a Bathroom Break During ‘Dark Phoenix’ Here are the 48 Best Times to Take a Bathroom Break During ‘Dark Phoenix’ With a 114-minute running time and questionable buzz in advance of its release, you might be wondering whether you’ll have time to go relieve yourself…
June 4, 2019 ‘Magic: The Gathering’ Anime to Be 12 Episodes of Nobody Having Enough Lands to Do Anything ‘Magic: The Gathering’ Anime to Be 12 Episodes of Nobody Having Enough Lands to Do Anything LOS ANGELES — Following the announcement of a new Magic: The Gathering animated series to release on Netflix, directors Joe and Anthony Russo have revealed…
June 3, 2019 40-Year-Old Asthmatic IT Analyst Explains Exactly How He Would Take Down Active Shooter in the Office 40-Year-Old Asthmatic IT Analyst Explains Exactly How He Would Take Down Active Shooter in the Office ATLANTA — Dale Clarke, a middle-aged computer tech with early onset arthritis, went into explicit detail with his coworkers about how he would take down…
June 1, 2019 Dozens of Teenage Bodies Still Litter Nickelodeon’s Aggro Crag Dozens of Teenage Bodies Still Litter Nickelodeon’s Aggro Crag ORLANDO, Fla. — Several recent rallies have drawn attention to the number of deserted bodies reportedly still on the Aggro Crag, the monumental structure contestants…
May 31, 2019 Justin Roiland Releases New Insufferable Fanbase Justin Roiland Releases New Insufferable Fanbase LOS ANGELES — Rick and Morty co-creator Justin Roiland, partnering with his development company Squanch Games, released a new frustratingly annoying fanbase today. The fanbase…
