April 1, 2021 Unhinged Zack Snyder Releases Four Hour Cut of Tenet Unhinged Zack Snyder Releases Four Hour Cut of Tenet LOS ANGELES — Following the long awaited release of his highly anticipated extended cut of Justice League, a hubristic Zack Snyder has now released an…
March 31, 2021 Report: Guy You’ve Never Heard of Is Creep Report: Guy You’ve Never Heard of Is Creep NEW YORK — Following accusations from several women, some supposedly famous guy you’re just learning about for the first time is a creep, a breaking…
March 25, 2021 Even Conspiracy Theorist Kinda Surprised How Right He’s Been Lately Even Conspiracy Theorist Kinda Surprised How Right He’s Been Lately LAS VEGAS — Conspiracy theorist Andrew Hawkins has recently been taken aback by how much he has gotten right in the last few years, according…
March 24, 2021 Professor X Unsure What to Do With Mutant Whose Only Power Is Knowing When a Bob Seger Song Is Playing on Any Classic Rock Radio Station in America Professor X Unsure What to Do With Mutant Whose Only Power Is Knowing When a Bob Seger Song Is Playing on Any Classic Rock Radio Station in America NORTH SALEM, N.Y. — Professor Charles Xavier, headmaster at Charles Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, is reportedly at a loss as to how to utilize…
March 20, 2021 Gamer Looking to Save the World Regrettably Recruited by United States Military Gamer Looking to Save the World Regrettably Recruited by United States Military MODESTO, Calif. — Local gamer Martin Long, 22, has reportedly joined the United States military after being inspired to save the world through his video…
March 20, 2021 Disney Announces Next Marvel Show ‘Mantis, Talos, & Whoever’s Free to Film Next Tuesday’ Disney Announces Next Marvel Show ‘Mantis, Talos, & Whoever’s Free to Film Next Tuesday’ BURBANK, Calif. — Disney has announced Mantis, Talos, & Whoever’s Free To Film Next Tuesday, a new Marvel show that will stream on Disney+ and…
March 19, 2021 Opinion: The MCU Needs Some Sort of Funny English Character Whose Name is Mr. Bean Opinion: The MCU Needs Some Sort of Funny English Character Whose Name is Mr. Bean It’s no secret that the Marvel Cinematic Universe is running out of good characters. Moon Knight? Shang-Chi? Professor X? Who even are these people? Everyone…
March 18, 2021 Review: The ‘Snyder Cut’ Is Whatever We Already Decided About It Before It Came Out Review: The ‘Snyder Cut’ Is Whatever We Already Decided About It Before It Came Out The wait is finally over. Zack Snyder’s long-anticipated redo of 2018’s Justice League, dubbed the “Snyder Cut,” is finally out on HBO Max. After watching…
March 17, 2021 Man Gets 4 Episodes Into WandaVision Before Realizing He’s Actually Watching Frasier Man Gets 4 Episodes Into WandaVision Before Realizing He’s Actually Watching Frasier MADISON, Wisc. — Local Marvel fan and notorious dumbass Bailey Lynch was reportedly bamboozled into watching multiple episodes of 1993’s Fraiser under the false assumption…
