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naruto, olympics, runLAUSANNE, Switzerland — The International Olympic Committee announced this morning that the Executive Board had officially approved the 200m Naruto run, a surprise addition to the slate of sports at the 2020 Tokyo Olympic Games.
“Naruto running is an ancient and noble craft, dating back to 1997,” said IOC President Thomas Bach. “It’s only right that this fine sport is brought from the halls of middle schools to the international stage in its founding nation of Japan.”
Countries slated to compete in the Games have begun searching through their domestic anime clubs for competitors. Colin McGinnis, a freshman at Wichita Heights High School in Kansas, has been scouted for the U.S. national team.
“I was recruited for this because of my elite ninja skills,” said McGinnis. “I don’t care if I win or lose. All I care about is having my friends beside me, since those who abandon their friends are worse than scum.”
Competitors will not only be judged on raw speed, but on balance as well as form. Each runner must keep their arms completely flat, while the torso must be slightly bent. Failure to do so while looking as cool as Sasuke will result in a deduction of points by the judges, who are being selected based on how long they have been subscribed to Crunchyroll.
Disqualification may occur if a referee suspects the contestant of using performance-enhancing measures, such as performing a ninjutsu, or being possessed by the spirit of a Nine-Tailed Fox.
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