WASHINGTON — Griffin Miller, a career contrarian and lifelong advocate of The Devil, has been tapped as Communications Director for The Devil’s administration, a senior Hell official confirmed.
“Griffin has extensive experience arguing about issues that he has no real stake in by emotionally exhausting his opponent,” The Devil’s chief of staff said at a press conference. “He has proven to be both relentless and insufferable, capable of tiring out even the most well-informed and well-intentioned contender — which will serve as an invaluable asset to our team.”
Miller, 34, began his career as an advocate to The Devil in his early twenties, where he would ruin small parties, family events and introductory dinners with his girlfriend’s friends by butting into, monopolizing and subsequently ending conversations that almost certainly would have been productive had he not been there.
“I’ve been gifted, as a straight white man, with a set of skills that allow me to theorize about issues that directly affect groups of people whose life experiences I don’t at all understand,” Miller said of his new role.
According to a top administration official, Miller’s ability to curtail progressive discourse under the guise of intellectual curiosity — especially on matters involving women’s bodies — made him the perfect man for the job.
“Griffin checks all the boxes,” The Devil said. “Contrary to popular belief, there is no real difference in regularly advocating for me and working directly for me, so we’re confident that he’ll slip into his new role quickly and confidently.”
The administration shake-up comes after weeks of speculation of who would take the role, with previous reports indicating that former New York Times opinion editor Bari Weiss was also being considered for the position.
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