Entertainment

UFC to Introduce Items

LAS VEGAS — UFC president Dana White has announced that certain matches put on by the mixed martial arts promotion…

5 years ago

J.J. Abrams Retcons Rian Johnson’s Name to ‘Ryan’

LOS ANGELES — J.J. Abrams has collaborated with authors on a new novelization of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker…

5 years ago

Sesame Street Helps Losers Cope by Introducing Muppet that Sucks Ass at Halo

NEW YORK — Sesame Street announced plans to introduce a new Muppet that is absolutely horrendous at the video game…

5 years ago

Hayao Miyazaki Releases Annual Schedule of Retirement Announcements

TOKYO — Acclaimed anime director Hayao Miyazaki has recently released an annual schedule of when he’ll be coming in and…

5 years ago

Dragon Ball Villain Who Can’t Become Final Form Swears This Doesn’t Normally Happen

NAMEK — Local psychopath and emperor of Universe 7, Frieza, reportedly failed to turn into his final form at a…

5 years ago

New Podcast ‘My Least Favorite Murder’ Discusses Death of Host’s Wife

SIOUX FALLS, S.D. — Capitalizing on the true crime entertainment craze, Clifford Waters has turned his grief over his wife’s…

5 years ago

Guy With Idea for Video Game Goes on Shark Tank to Ask Mark Cuban If He Knows How to Code

LOS ANGELES — Video game idea-developer Steve Harmon appeared on the newest episode of Shark Tank, not to ask for…

5 years ago

Stoner Immediately Forgets Spoiler

DETROIT — Local pothead Sarah Murphy’s distress after encountering a spoiler of a movie she planned on seeing was immediately…

5 years ago

Everyone on Space Flight Murdered by Man’s Emotional Support Xenomorph

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN EARTH AND LV-462 — The Weyland-Yutani Corporation has found themselves under intense scrutiny after a xenomorph alien slaughtered…

5 years ago