Entertainment

Psychic Beats Shit Out of Man Counting Tarot Cards

MIAMI — Claiming her client was clearly cheating the fates, local psychic Madame LeMystique beat the shit out of her…

5 years ago

Inspiring: This Nerd Took to His Balcony to Keep Shouting About ‘The Last Jedi’

SEATTLE —  As a nation shelters inside its homes amidst the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, one opinionated citizen inspired many by…

5 years ago

Children’s Cartoon Not Reaching Intended Audience of Queer Twenty-Somethings

LOS ANGELES — Creators of the new hit cartoon Starlight Mountain recently expressed disappointment that, despite high ratings among toddlers,…

5 years ago

Opinion: The Only Way to Defeat Sauron is to Let Him Take Over Your Body and Rule Your City

Let me start this off by saying that I despise Sauron as much as the rest of you. Sauron is…

5 years ago

Opinion: Dragon Ball Z Is Turn-Based Fighting Show

As television becomes more fractured and confusing in the new decade, it’s important to take a step back and recategorize…

5 years ago

Dark Tower Multiverse Technically Allows for World Where Film Adaptation Is Good

OXFORD, England — Devoted fans of Stephen King’s The Dark Tower series have hypothesized that the multiverse contained in the…

5 years ago

Christopher Walken Swears His Fever Is Just for More Cowbell

LOS ANGELES — Actor Christopher Walken announced today that his 102 degree fever was simply for more cowbell and had…

5 years ago

Dad Worried Son Views Weekend Custody as Filler Arc

BETHPAGE, N.Y. — After multiple failed attempts at connecting with his son, single father Frank Corbin has reportedly begun to…

5 years ago

Bartender Must Cleave Through Groot to Verify His Age

KNOWHERE, T.R. — A bartender at Starlin’s Bar was forced to cut a section of Groot, a beloved Guardian of…

5 years ago