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CINCINNATI, Ohio — Local gamer Alan Roberts has been trying to covertly name his upcoming child after any video game character.
“Video games are one of — if not the most — important things in my life, but I know how my wife would react to me naming our child after my favorite media properties,” Roberts said. “So I’ve been trying to secretly suggest names that could or could not be references to games. It’s actually genius, and no one could ever figure it out. I’ve suggested names like Lucas, Isaac, Lara, Claire, Mario, Kratos, the list goes on. With each name, I’m getting closer to finding one that she’ll agree to, unsuspectingly, finally allowing me to express my love for games through our only child.”
“I almost convinced her for a minute that Tifa was my beloved great grandmother’s name,” he added. “But she looked it up.”
Roberts’s wife says she has actually known of this scheme for a long time.
“Oh, I definitely know what he’s been trying to do,” Roberts’s wife Blaire said. “He would suggest something normal like Joel right after talking to me about The Last of Us. I’ve also seen searches in his browser history for video games that star characters with normal names. Which is strange, because he still pitched ‘Papyrus’ as an option after that. He’s a big fan of video games but I don’t know if I want my child named after some fictional character made up to sell something. It should be something religious instead.”
Experts say these kinds of disputes are all-too-common for expecting parents.
“I’ve heard of and seen myself several instances where one parent is trying to name their child after something that the other objects to,” said Dr. Lang, an obstetrician at Good Samaritan hospital. “One such couple had a wife who insisted their child be named Naruto, or Goku. Usually, these conflicts are solved by the time the child is actually born after one side tires the other one out.”
At press time the couple had decided on a compromise, and Jonas Sonic The Hedgehog Roberts is expected to arrive this September.