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Gamer Knows Way Around Midgar Better Than Own Neighborhood


GALESBURG, Ill. — Local gamer Brett Gunderson has confirmed that he can navigate through the virtual town of Midgar from Final Fantasy VII better than the actual town he currently resides in.

“I’ve played through Final Fantasy VII several times in my life,” Gunderson proclaimed, “So it only makes sense I know each little nook and cranny of Midgar. I’ve only been here in the neighborhood for what, six months? That’s nowhere near enough time to figure out how to get to my local item shop or find any of the hidden Easter eggs around town.”

Gunderson’s roommate, Tasha Bennett, feels that this issue has gone on long enough.

“I once asked him to go get some toilet paper from the Dollar General down the street. I didn’t see him for the rest of the day,” said Bennett, who later found him a block away from their apartment, crying. “But I once asked him where to go during my first playthrough of Final Fantasy VII and he spouted about a half hour’s worth of instructions on where to go.”

Gunderson believes it might not be worth exploring beyond the digital confines of his PlayStation.

“I’d be more willing to go around town if there were fun NPCs to talk to, or even a few treasure chests for me to find. Instead, all I got were a couple of people who told me to fuck off and a half-eaten pizza slice on the ground.” Gunderson said while taking a brisk stroll through Midgar. “I’m just fine taking daily walks in the game with my best friend Aerith.”

At press time Gunderson has expanded his horizons and decided to explore the world by going to Kalm, another town within Final Fantasy VII.