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Free Agent Ethan Coen Signs With the Russo Brothers


LOS ANGELES After being unable to come to new terms with his brother Joel, Ethan Coen, the hottest free agent in filmmaking, announced that he will be joining the Russo brothers. 

“Although this move may surprise some,” began an announcement released by Coen earlier today. “I weighed all my options and have decided to take my talents to the Russo brothers. I’m looking forward to seeing what the three of us can do together, and am gonna start reading a bunch of comic books as I prepare to conquer the one genre I’ve never tackled. See you all soon!”

The signing surprised many, including fans of other high profile sibling auteurs who’s fanbases had hoped they’d land Ethan, including the Wachoswki sisters, the Hughes brothers, and televisions’ Duffer brothers.

“It’s kind of depressing that he would just go the most commercial route,” said film buff Corbin Burnett. “Imagine if he’d accepted the Safdies’ offer and we got some grimey quirky shit about a midwest guy who has to kidnap his own wife or something. I don’t know, I just made that up. But hell, it’d be cooler than whatever Marvel thing he’s going to do now.” 

Kevin Feige, president of Marvel Studios, said that Coen joining the stable of Marvel Cinematic Universe filmmakers is the best thing for everyone involved, including the fans. 

“I understand that some cinephiles are upset and view this as Ethan chasing the money,” he said. “But I guess those people just aren’t as excited about John Goodman, Steve Buscemi, and Stephen Root joining the MCU as I am. If anyone’s skeptical, I implore them to check out Ethan’s upcoming episode of What If…  that he directed, where we see what would happen if the Incredible Hulk played trombone in a jazz ensemble in the 1950s.”

As of press time Joel Coen announced his next solo outing, a slice of life drama called My Dickfuck Brother starring Frances McDormand as Ethan Russo.