Tags
REDMOND, Wash. ā Nintendo of America President Doug Bowser has confirmed today that, much like the iconic Mario villain he shares a name with, he is unable to withstand being thrown into a pool of lava.
āOh yeah, my body wouldnāt be able to handle that at all,ā said Bowser today, addressing the allegations. āIām not sure what sort of answer you were expecting, but thereās no way I can make it through a thing like that. And as per your tail question, I am not going to disrobe to prove anything to you. However, I assure you that I am not hiding anything.ā
Gamers across the world now wonder if the vulnerability to getting chucked into lava is where the similarities between the two Bowsers end.Ā
āJust a little weird, man,ā said longtime Nintendo fan Brandon Brant. āLike ok, we all laughed about the āBowserā thing at first, but now this? Itās a little strange, a little too coincidental if you ask me. Now that heās been there for a while, have we heard anything else about him? Iām starting to think maybe we should throw him into some lava before we grow to regret it, you know?āĀ
Other top executives in gaming shared a growing concern about what this means for the future of Nintendo.Ā
āThis is disconcerting,ā said one of Bowserās fellow Nintendo executives who wished to remain anonymous. āI know it sounds ridiculous, but thereās a pattern here, and frankly weāre all a little afraid that one day weāre going to discover heās sabotaged our headquarters or stolen one of our wives. Our only hope is that he is weak against axe strikes to the body. It may be our only hope.āĀ
As of press time, Doug Bowser left work in a go kart that accelerated very slowly but eventually really started crankinā.