LOS ANGELES — Accused pedophile and Nickelodeon producer Dan Schneider has teamed up with accused pedophiles in the Smash Bros. community to release a new video game, Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl, in what many are calling a terrifying scheme to prey on children.
“Ooooooh boy when Nick told me I could get a job back at the company and I was free to do anything I wanted, I knew exactly who I wanted to emulate: the Super Smash Bros. community,” said Schneider, rubbing his hands together. “I’m not really supposed to mention that I’m working on this project, so don’t tell anybody, but I think it’s gonna be awesome. I’m especially excited about my spin on the Master Hand character called Master Foot! I think young fans are really going to enjoy this game and I can’t wait to watch them play.”
Schneider worked with various members of the Smash Bros. community to ensure that the game had the right “vibe,” allowing producers to “lure in” prospective fans and players.
“It just feels good to be working with a Smash Bros. style game again,” said disgraced commentator Cinnpie. “Like Smash Bros. itself, it feels like we have an insanely talented all-star roster of former pros, commentators, and community members rounding out this project to really make sure that we fit Dan’s vision. I’m talking Mr. Wizard, ZeRo, Sky Williams, Keitaro, Ally, and so so many more. A lot of people worked on the game anonymously, for some reason, but I’m guessing their names will be released by someone eventually.”
At press time, Schneider said he was just happy that he could get Powdered Toast Man into the game from Ren & Stimpy, so that he could send his old buddy John Kricfalusi a paycheck.