PHOENIX — The conservative YouTuber convention “ConCon” will be held inside a truck parked in front of the Phoenix Convention Center.
“It’s incredible how many patriots are planning to make it all the way out here for this event. We’ve got people coming in from all around the world,” said event coordinator Jesse Muldoon from the driver’s seat of his 2018 Dodge Ram. “I’m gonna have to clear out some space in the back seat for sure.”
Muldoon claims that the Conservative Convention, or “ConCon” for short, was supposed to take place inside the convention center but that they had to change locations because they were being “suppressed by the liberal convention center committee.”
“We have no records of a conservative YouTube convention or a Jesse Muldoon ever reaching out to us, but it’s true that you have to show proof of vaccination to enter the building,” responded Phoenix Convention Center operator Guff Darrenson. “We definitely aren’t trying to suppress conservative voices. I mean Toby Keith is performing that night for god’s sake.”
ConCon attendees aren’t upset about the new location, however.
“It’s better this way,” Muldoon remarked as he looked around the cabin of his truck. “This is where all the great conservative thinkers of our time come to talk anyway! This is our salon. It’s our forum. Just like the danged Agora was for Pluto and So-crats.”
But not all visitors are as positive about the convention’s location as Muldoon.
“We’re meeting in Jesse’s truck? Goddammit,” bemoaned Muldoon’s cousin Tommy Wheeler, who is flying in from Sydney, Australia. “His truck smells like butt. He tries to cover it up with air freshener but it just makes it smell like he put a mint up his asshole. So nasty.”
As of press time, Muldoon has been posting a series of videos on his YouTube channel “Blue Collar Confucius” claiming Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is preventing Toby Keith from performing in his truck bed.