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Complete Stranger Wins Big Competition Everyone in Town Cares About


WAYFIELD FALLS — A total stranger who just got into town has won the Dusky Days Cup, the annual festival that local citizens usually lose their minds for. 

“This is outrageous,” said Billy, who spends most of his time either working out in Jerry’s fields or working nights at Betty’s pub. “This guy’s grandpa left him that creepy plot of land up on old Barkview Terrace there, and I guess that’s all the qualifications you need to be a major player in town these days. My grandpa just spends his nights standing by the stream telling a story about a woman he danced with twenty years ago, so fuck me I guess.” 

The annual Dusky Days Cup event, as you most certainly know, is the once a year ceremony commemorating the beginning of the 21-day fall season that culminates in the town square for the grand finale, the Wayfield Falls Dusky Days Cup Potato Sack Race, which the strange quiet guy won after spending his first attempt last year really struggling to figure out how the bag worked. 

“I’ve never seen such an improvement,” said Trudy, who spends most of her day standing next to her refrigerator. “He really must have spent all year angry about not realizing what he was supposed to do, vowing to do better next time. Most people come to the Dusky Days Cup with a good attitude, talking about the various foods they ate that day and whatnot. But this guy came in here with an axe to grind, and it really worked for him. I don’t think I need to tell you what winning the Dusky Days Cup will do to a guy’s social status around here.” 

Indeed, the formerly mysterious stranger does seem to have begun attracting an increased interest in him as a potential suitor. 

“Oh my, that quiet kid from Barkview Terrace is sooo cool,” said Tiffany, who spends her days in her father’s shop, and her nights sitting on a bench all night talking about her father’s shop. “At first I didn’t really like him, even though he was in my father’s shop every single day, but now that he won the potato sack race, I think I would like to get married to him. If my father allows, that is.” 

As of press time, the mysterious winner of the Dusky Days Cup refused to speak to the press, but had given this reporter a fried egg as a gift.