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Welcome to our weekly comment roundup, featuring only the finest in snappy response-based internet comedy. Each of these curated comments are appraised by Shitpost Experts with 200k followers (minimum) and are tested for topical freshness. They pair nicely with a Code Red, or if you are especially rich-blooded, a Crystal Pepsi. I will be your steward tonight, so allow me to show you our selection…

Plastic Surgeon: “So what kind of look are you hoping for?”

Furry: “Like I’m the OC of someone who can’t draw hands.”

Surgeon: “Ah, right then. Now let’s discuss payment…”

Furry: “Payment? Listen, the exposure I’m going to be giving you will bring in LOTS of customers! I’m very popular.”

Bug fixes for v. 1.03:

• Fixed Dad looping shame animation after failing to make a basketball throw.
• “Lecture” gives buff as intended instead of incurring negative status effects.
• Dad is no longer able to detect you playing your Switch after bedtime through walls.
• Dad will no longer give “Ask your mother” dialogue if divorced.
• Dad can no longer be simultaneously angry and disappointed.

He was actually in the original cut of the film, but people in the lower right of the theater kept jumping up and punching the screen so he had to be cut out.

I was going to be a nitpicker and point out that you said he’s both in hell and a better place, but then I thought about it more and realized you were right. At least he’s finally safe from SEGA. For now.

We wouldn’t let these through on The Onion either, because it’s solid gold we want all to ourselves, baby.

Thank you so much for your comments, everybody. Remember, if you want a chance to be in next week’s column, be sure to leave a funny comment on any of our posts on social media!