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Chris Pratt to Voice That He Still Knows About Compromising Information to Powerful Hollywood Executive Who Keeps Casting Him in Things


LOS ANGELES — Hollywood superstar Chris Pratt has been cast as the voice of concerns about certain compromising information he has about an extremely powerful Hollywood executive, who just happens to be the one who keeps making him the star of movies, and who wishes to remain anonymous.

“When I think of an all-American voice who can lead a Hollywood film, I think of Chris Pratt. Also when I think of an all-American voice who may or may not know about some particularly career-ruining information about certain sexually deviant experiences I have had, I also think of Chris Pratt. Because he’s the one who keeps reminding me that he knows about them and could accidentally leak them to the press if he’s not really busy recording his lines for Garfield,” said the anonymous executive. “Haha, he’s so funny and cool! What a lovable guy who we all relate to and who we all want to be the stars of our movies, speaking words through the mouths of our favorite cartoon characters.”

At press time, Sony announced that Chris Pratt would be replacing Ben Schwartz as Sonic in Sonic the Hedgehog 2 as well as Idris Elba as Knuckles in Sonic the Hedgehog 2.