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FORGE WORLD — BREAKING NEWS for all available Spartan soldiers: UNSC forces have vanquished the enemy and emerged victorious, gaining control over the hill and living to fight another day. We lost countless lives on this excursion, but their sacrifice will have been well worth it when we leverage our permanent control over this territory for years to come. 

While we may be injured, this hill is something they can never take away from u—hold on, Spartans, we have more BREAKING NEWS: the hill has been lost to the alien hoard. We must rally our troops and pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and attempt to retake this promised land. 

Now I won’t lie to you, soldiers, this could take months or even years, but if we train hard enough that—I’m sorry, we have some more BREAKING NEWS: rejoice! The hill is back under our influence yet again. Bards and poets will sing songs of this day for generations to come, and a new breed of Spartan soldiers will be sired under this new land acquisition. 

Thanks to all of our valiant efforts we can rebuild a new civilization under the control of this imperative piece of land. Hold on, I’m sorry, this is embarrassing. Fuck. 

BREAKING NEWS: The hill is lost. Spartans, the time of our pure despair is upon our ranks. Look deep down inside yourselves for any remaining courage and—oh shit, BREAKING NEWS: The hill is back, baby! 

Time to throw a huge party and—Shit! BREAKING N—Wait! Hell yes! It’s loo—god damn it.

BREAKING NEWS: We’re all going to die.

No wait, BREAKING NEWS: We’re all going to live forever!