Entertainment

Breadtuber Eaten by Birdtuber

LOS ANGELES — Local leftwing YouTuber Theodore Suarez, better known by his screen name The Explainanator, was tragically eaten by a wild bird enthusiast vlogger today while filming a video defending the socialist ideals present in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

“When you look at someone like Iron Man — the arc that Tony Stark went through over the course of the Avengers films — you can see the sort of Marxist progression of the… I’m sorry, what was that loud noise. Lemme just OH GOD AW FUCK FUCK OH MY GOD SHE’S EATING ME!” Suarez shouted in the footage he took just before getting eaten alive by bird YouTuber Selina O’Connor, also known as Fowlmouth93. 

According to those familiar with the situation, the event was horrifying, but not surprising.

“A lot of people who don’t follow the leftwing YouTube scene don’t understand where the word ‘breadtube’ came from. Well it comes from the fact that breadtubers are made out of literal bread. They’re all wheat,” said sociologist Dr. Ewen Mathews. “Breadtubers have distanced themselves from the label, claiming that they don’t associate with it, because they don’t want people to know they can get soggy or moldy because they are made out of bread. They want people, instead, to subscribe to their channels where they release videos of themselves talking to camera for several hours in front of green screens, but it’s not a podcast for some reason.”

Dr. Mathews further commented on the situation with birdtubers.

“Now this begs the question: are YouTubers in the birding community actually birds? No. They love birds,” Dr. Mathews explained. “That’s why they’re always eating bread, because they want to live the life of a bird. I’m sorry, is this confusing? People always tell me that the YouTube ecosystem is confusing, but I’ve never personally had trouble with it. Now, the YouTube algorithm, on the other hand…”

At press time, another breadtuber was eaten alive while filming a 3-hour explanation of their position on the Explainanator/Fowlmouth situation.

Jeremy Kaplowitz