ERNIE’S HOUSE — A positive COVID test for league superstar Pablo Sanchez has resulted in the entire 2021-22 Backyard Baseball season being called off, sources have confirmed.
“I don’t like this any more than you do,” said fellow backyard ballplayer Dante Robinson. “There’s been a lot of speculation about whether or not sports should require vaccines, and since we’re a team composed of nine-year olds, that was a conversation we got to skip. Hard to imagine playing without him, as he’s our biggest star. But it’s clear that the Delta Variant is just gonna wreak havoc on the kids if we let it, and we can’t let it get to Kenny Kawaguchi, for obvious reasons.”
Fans all over were sad to hear that Sanchez, known for his iconic backwards baseball cap, had tested positive for the Delta variant of COVID-19, though many understood the reasons for the cancellation of the season.
“Oh my god, not Pablo” said Dustin Giles, a lifelong supporter of the Backyard Baseball league. “I didn’t realize those kids were all still playing, that’s great. But also damn, let’s make sure we get Pablo the help he needs. Backyard Baseball cannot lose Pablo, absolutely cannot. Not to mention Backyard Basketball, Backyard Football, and uh, Backyard Hockey.”
Many others wished Pablo well, including Major League Baseball Hall of Famer Ken Griffey, Jr., who famously played a season with the backyard league in 2001.
“Pablo is one of the best guys I’ve ever played with, straight up,” said Griffey, who finished the 2001 Backyard Baseball season batting .351, leading the league in most stats, as you’d imagine. “I had a lot of fun with the Backyard League, but for a lot of reasons, mostly financial, I decided to return to the Majors after that. That is a special league though, there’s no doubt about it. I remember one time I hit a ball into left field and a dog grabbed it and ran away and they called it a double. That’s baseball, baby.”
As of press time, bad boy outfielder Tony Delvecchio had addressed the press with a lollipop many confused with a cigarette, claiming that Covid-19 was created to interfere with the American election.